Category Archives: listening

To Name AND Not to Name

This spring, my friend Vera and I have explored wild scraps of land – wetlands, hillsides, ditches – in our part of Southern Saskatchewan. Vera says she can never remember the name of this plant or that plant, and how she sometimes feels “less than” when she is with someone who knows the name of every bird or every plant. I might just be a guilty party here, enthusiastically greeting many of the plants I see by name.  I get a little carried away.

But, like Vera I have also been on nature walks when the lead naturalist is rhyming off the names of what we see – insect, plant, bird, grasses – and I feel a little lost and sometimes, intimidated. So, I know a little of how she feels. Spurred on by Vera, I have begun to question whether it really matters if we know the names of these beings – three flowered avens, Wilson’s snipe, swallowtail – or not? Does finding the right name for a being sometimes get in the way of truly noticing it?

 As I pondered this, I received an email from my friend Laura Stewart, who is a plant ecologist as well as a journalist, a writer, and a musician. She described a walk she took on a silent retreat where she “had the idea to not only not speak, but to try to quiet my internal “naming” and “narrating” of everything”. Laura continues, “As I walked, I gently declined to think the names of plants and birds, or to imagine how I might later blog about what I saw. Incredibly, the entire walk burned itself into my memory far more vividly than usual, and for months after (and to some extent even now, many years later) I could bring it to mind as if I were seeing it at that moment.”

Laura asks me, “Could you encounter the beings differently if you approach them like meeting a stranger, without another person there to introduce you, and let them name themselves to you?” I like this idea; it challenges my usual way of being part of the natural world.

Next time I am with Vera, I try to lessen my compulsive naming, following her to see what plants she observes and points out. I try to notice what about this plant catches my attention. I like Laura’s suggestion to come up with our own name. Vera did this recently, calling a pincushion cactus “the prickly brain”. It is a name that she will never forget!

“The Prickly Brain”, by Vera Saltzman

 

When we become acquainted with someone – a person, a plant, an insect, a bird – we don’t always know or even inquire about their name first. Sometimes we just observe. What is it that caught my interest? What do I notice? Would I like to know more? When being introduced to a new person, I often forget their name  immediately, but if we have a chance for a chat, I will  remember something about them. 

I am so accustomed to naming plants when I walk, that it feels awkward not to do so. Our habits run deep. I wander slowly, a meditative walk, stopping to greet each plant who calls my attention. Many plants are old friends and sometimes I see one who is unfamiliar. Whoops, there I go again – wishing I had my phone (so I could learn her name, of course!) I wonder if we sometimes identify a plant by name, and then dismiss it, not observing further? Identify it, and then tick it off the list?

 I find I can live with not naming, not recording, and not narrating some of the time. It doesn’t come naturally but it does add new dimensions to my love of wildflowers. I can see that it is going to take more practice.

Learning Names can be Very Satisfying

At the same time, learning names is satisfying in other ways. Here is an example.

Recently, I heard  a loud rhythmic PI PI PI sound followed sometimes by a startling descending whinny in the wetland across the road. Was I hearing two birds or one?   Was it a bird?  Probably. But could it be something else? Maybe. In my distant memory, I had heard this call before but I never really zeroed in on it. Now, for no seeming reason, I was drawn by this call time and time again.

I spent a few dawn mornings in a sit spot in the wetland listening and observing. Eventually, I simply couldn’t resist the urge to learn who made these sounds by listening to audio recordings of marsh birds. I had been hearing a sora rail. “Common, but seldom seen”, the field guides said.   Once I saw a picture of the sora, I could imagine her moving through the shallow edges of the marsh.

I learned that the sora  makes both calls – the rhythmic PI and the squealing whinny that sometimes comes at the end of a series of PI PI PI’s. I began to pick out at least two sora rails, sometimes seeming to call back and forth from different ends of the wetland. Learning her name helped me learn more about this elusive  bird. Day after day, the call of the sora seemed very close, in fact, right under my feet. But, I could never see her.

One day, I sat in a chair by the edge of the marsh knowing this bird was near, when suddenly there she was quietly and calmly wading through the marsh, bobbing her pointed tail. She was much smaller than I had imagined. Truly at home as she manouevered through the underbrush of the marsh edge, she had delicately patterned slate gray and rusty feathers,  a standout yellow beak and paler yellow legs.  I love Blaine Klemek’s description of the sora: 

“Small and plump with longish legs and slender non-webbed chicken-like toes, the minute-sized birds deftly navigates the tangled jungles of wetland habitats as effortlessly as a snake crawling through grass.

Both species (the sora and Virginia rails) have the ability to practically walk on water, utilizing floating vegetation and other debris for support as they go about their lives. In the case of soras, they also negotiate wetland vegetation by clinging and hopping from plant stem to plant stem, thus making as much use, if not more, of vertical substrate as the horizontal.”*

Source: Sibley Birds East by David Allen Sibley, p.116

Fun fact: Rail’s bodies are laterally repressed which allows them to escape into dense grass or reeds. Hence the expression, thin as a rail!!

What a thrill! Since then I have seen her a several times, and am still amazed at her dexterity and way of moving. Because I had never imagined a bird moving through the marsh in this way, I had to learn how to notice her. Most certainly, I had failed  many times when her call was close.  This little sora is teaching me to see in new ways, to slow down, to listen carefully, and to be very patient. I wait for a sound in the water, a quick movement, a feeling that she is near.

I think back to the loud sound that initially caught my interest, and never in a million years would I have put this small bird together with this loud call! Learning the name was indispensable to my inquiry.  But, I also enjoyed the period of mystery.  I went out to listen with a sense of heightened awareness and curiousity.

I am grateful to Laura and Vera for opening up the possibility of being with the land and not naming or narrating what I am experiencing some of the time.

I think a story  Robin Wall Kimmerer shared  says it best . A botanist was praising his guide for his knowledge of local plants when the guide answered, “Yes, I have learned the names of all the bushes, but I have yet to learn their songs.”~

Sora Rail in marsh edge, work in progress

 

 

 

 

 

Learning the Sora Rail from a National Geographic photo. I would never have known their feet are so large compared to their body size. This surprisingly small bird weighs less than 3 ounces.

*Source: https://www.crookstontimes.com/2022/05/25/sora-and-virginia-rail/

~ Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass, p.43

Photographer Vera Saltzman and I are collaborating on a long term project we call “Where will the frogs sing?” We are interested in the small scraps of wild or naturalized land between farm fields and roads in our part of Saskatchewan, including wetlands, aspen bluffs, pastures, native prairie and more. We spend wonderful time in these wild remnants – sitting, watching, listening, wondering. Some of the questions in the post below have arisen from our experiences together. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WinterSoul #1 – “The Ache”


Sometimes, small changes in routine or the weather alert us to new beauty just around the corner or across the road. In my case, right across the road! Our aging and arthritic dogs are no longer content to sit and watch me skate on a winters morning, and I imagine that it is not very good for their sore old hips to sit outside on a cold day. So, before a skate, we go for a walk, and have discovered a treasure trove across the road. For years, we have called this area the “Mooney Trees” after the Mooney family who planted the shelterbelt and once had a farmstead here, but the area includes a small wetland as well as woods. For the dogs, there are so many wonderful smells, tracks to follow, holes to dig. A veritable feast for the nose!! This small area is alive with grouse, partridge, owl, mice, foxes, deer, and coyotes – to name only a few.

Last week, Southern Saskatchewan was bathed in hoar frost for several days running. As I explored the Mooney trees with the dogs, I was amazed at each turn, each new vista and view. The Smart phone photos do not do my morning’s walk justice, but will give you some idea of the beauty that is right here (but that I almost missed!)

I was reminded of my discovery of artist Emily Carr in my teen years. Reading a book about Emily Carr, I came across a few pages describing “the ache”. As I remember it, Emily Carr would often be silenced and stilled by beauty, her hand going to her heart. Sometimes tears would come. She was often overcome. Something she called “the ache” filled her, and oftentimes after experiencing the ache, she would paint or write. As a teenager, I read about Emily Carr’s “ache” with recognition and also with great relief knowing that somebody else felt this way at times when experiencing beauty.

The dogs’ excitement is expressed in wagging tails, alert ears, noses to the ground….moments where they forget about arthritis as they bound energetically through the snow. As for me, I feel achingly alive and alert, rapt in wonder.

The old balsam poplar, now fallen, who is teaching me to balance

Mia (not one of the arthritic older dogs) loving to balance!

That Moment

Elaine dancing in a rainstorm, McConnell Lake, 1974. Image by Lise Sorensen (used with permission)

It is that moment just before a crashing thunderstorm, clouds on the move, thunder in the distance, electricity in the air…and we are out dancing in our nighties. Exhilarated, ecstatic, free, full of joy and and wonder and spontaneity and dancing! We are 17 years old, having the summer of our lives… for many of us the first summer away from family. A summer in the bush full of swimming, hard physical work, blueberry pies, blueberry pancakes, loons… together with 17 year old girls from all across Ontario. 

This is Elaine, dancing. As one of her friends now writes, Elaine radiated childlike curiosity and wonder for life,  natural beauty and the love she so graciously extends to the world.* Standing somewhere off to the side is Lise, with her camera in hand, an observer amongst the dancing girls, ready to receive this moment of beauty and record it. I took no pictures that summer, but must have begged Lise for this one, because for 42 years, it has resided in my book of treasures, simply called “the Spirit of McConnell”, which was the name of lake we lived beside for those two months.

Forty two years later, to my amazement and joy, I have reconnected with both Elaine and Lise.

This is the image I want to share while thousands of women all over the world are walking to Washington (Women’s March on Washington)… women coming together to speak out against oppression and discrimination, women coming together to claim their voice, to claim their rightful place and in some cases to wear “pussyhats” created by another woman somewhere; women celebrating being women together. Women rising up!

I am moved by the words of Richard Rohr, who writes, ”You learn to positively ignore and withdraw your energy from evil or stupid things rather than fight them directly. You fight things only when you are directly called and equipped to do so. We all become well-disguised mirror images of anything that we fight too long or too directly. That which we oppose determines the energy and frames the questions after a while.”

We can resist in a myriad of creative, sometimes cheeky and always life-giving ways. We can march. We can knit. We can come together in silence, as thousands of Turkish protesters did recently (baffling the police). We can listen. What would happen, for example, if we truly listened to those who have a different world view than our own?  We can still our hearts and listen to the whispers of the trees or prairie grasses. We can take time to listen to those who live on the edges, and who have so very much to teach us. If invited, we can take part in a pipe ceremony on the shores of a lake, and honour the sacred water as it laps gently on the shore. We can install colourful crocheted flowers on chain link fences in the middle of the night. We can laugh from the belly. We can buy less. We can barter more. We can ponder inconvenience. We can sing with others. We can study issues more deeply. We can take part in parades we were not invited to join. We can learn the true history of our country and wrestle with the deep shadows of our collective past, and the continuing implications  for our fractured present. We can dare to get outside our own comfort zones. We can examine our own privilege. We can be “chroniclers of wonder”. We can acknowledge the great grief and sadness that we often feel in these cataclysmic times. We can taking our breaking hearts, and create art. We can find small ways to support those on the front lines. We can thank a tree. We can learn to speak up when we see injustice, whether it be in the line up at the grocery store or a violation to our precious earth. We can fly kites. We can rise up, rise up! We can pray. If you have read this far, I know that you can add to the list. Please do!

We can dance in the rain with joy and abandon. We can record and celebrate beauty, wherever we find it. We can deeply treasure something that touches our spirit. We can search out and reconnect with old friends. We can celebrate new friends. We can take time to be with those who cannot dance in the rain, or who cannot find it in their heart to celebrate beauty. Each and every small action matters.

Today, while women all over the world are marching, I will be skating on our outdoor ice rink. I will be skating this prayer; that girls and boys everywhere will know the beautiful spirit embodied in the image above, might even for a moment know  the joy and freedom of dancing in the rain, and of feeling at one with all creation. I will be praying that sometimes someone notices and celebrates these moments with the rest of us in song or art or dance or words. I will be praying that we pay attention. I will be giving thanks. Today, while women all over the world are marching, I will be marching with them as I skate my prayers. I will be wearing my purple hat, knit by a woman I do not know.

You are invited. Of course!

  • paraphrased from Gail Wilen who sees these same qualities in Elaine now. Thanks Gail!

Don’t Fence Me In

My friend Carol introduced me to the term “manure meditation”. It is Carol who mucks out the pens at Ravenheart Farms*,  a wonderful equine assisted learning retreat centre and ranch she runs near Kamsack. For Carol, mucking out is a meditative activity. I agree. Farm chores settle me – in part because of the physical work and in part because I love working close to animals. On a day like yesterday, when spring arrives full force and horse manure is in evidence everywhere, “mucking out” is the perfect morning activity.

My late mum, Sylvia, taught us that the smell of horse manure is as wonderful as the tang of salt air or green growing things. When we went birdwatching as a family, Mum would roll down the window, wrinkle her nose like a bunny and go “mmmmm, the beautiful smell of horse manure”. What great early conditioning!! There is no question in my mind that horse manure smells better than most other any other manure I can think of.

There is another reason I am drawn to the horses this morning. Our daughter’s horse, Gatty, has Sweeney Shoulder and has been confined for a few months in a small pen, while her companion Missy can go wherever she likes. Shane and I take turns walking Gatty as well as massaging her, offering her healing touch or brushing her. This daily contact has been a gift to both of us.

I am learning to “listen with” Gatty, to hear the sounds of our farm in a whole new way. As a prey animal, Gatty is alert to each and every sound on the farm – the swish of pigeon’s wings as they fly out of the barn, the cry of the merlin or the moo of neighbour cows, every move of our dogs, the opening and closing of doors, the sounds of vehicles, the croak of a raven, the gurgle of water in the bowl. She does not like the sound of the sleigh full of manure as I move it from her pen across snow and ice. On the other hand, Gatty and Missy seem to love it when I sing, unlike every other member of our family!

I am learning to “listen to” Gatty. To pay attention. To pick up the signals when she indicates “enough already.” Or the lowered head, sleepy eyes and relaxed stance which tells me that she is soaking up the way I am touching or massaging her. The way she yawns and makes goofy horse faces and stretches her gums and sticks out her teeth means that she is releasing endorphins. She is my teacher, an exceedingly patient one.  I like to watch her graze, to observe how her beautiful soft nose guides her to the most succulent (dead) grass found in the pasture. Grazing on a lead is about as free as she gets these days. Sometimes I think she would give all her treats for a good roll in the pasture to get rid of some of her winter hair. It must be itchy!!

I have been thinking of the word “tethered” recently. In light of Gatty, who is “tethered” but also in light of animals tethering us to the farm. Throughout my twenties, my theme song was “don’t fence me in”. Untethered was my modus operandi. Free as the wind. Recently, with our children off on their own, we decided to stop keeping chickens and selling eggs which we had enjoyed for over a dozen years. We did this because we wanted more freedom. We hoped to be less tethered to the farm. As they say, “animals tie you down.” It’s true. They do. My experience this winter with Gatty has helped me understand that I also value being tethered – the company of she and Missy, of our two dogs and of our old barn cat (recently retired to the inside) adds depth and comfort and joy and companionship that I cannot imagine my life without. We are not entirely tethered because we do hope to go away this summer, have someone care for our creatures and return home to see them all again.

With Gatty, these days, there has been another kind of tethering – a different kind. One which most of us are familiar with. It is more like the invisible tie that binds, the gossamer thread of heart to heart connection.  Sometimes I think of her and it is like she is right there. I wait for the day when she can have a larger area to roam in. In my dreams, she is galloping, full steam ahead, moving with no restraint whatsoever.

Gatty - fenced in

Gatty – fenced in

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the manure sled

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Oh give me the land, lots of land
Under starry skies above
Don’t fence me in
Let me ride through the wide open
Country that I love
Don’t fence me in
Let me be by myself in the evening breeze
Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever but I ask you please
Don’t fence me in

Just turn me loose let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies
On my cayuse let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountain rise
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
I can’t look at the hobels and I can’t stand the fences
Don’t fence me in

lyrics by Cole Porter

*Read about an art and horses retreat at Ravenheart farm